11 Katie Skurja Part 1: Mom Shame

Have you experienced “mom shame?” We have all experienced the painful wound of shame, and how it can paralyze us from living our true identity. Katie Skurja brings us a message of dealing with and healing from shame in our lives, and helping our children experience that same freedom. Katie Skurja is the Founder and Director of Imago Dei ministries. She has a double masters in Marriage and Family Therapy, and Spiritual Formation. The purpose of Imago Dei ministries is it to help people everywhere engage in a Christ-centered healing process that transforms relationships with God, self, and others.


Imago Dei Ministries

Companioning Center

Paradox Lost Book


“I believe shame is the most powerful force on the planet apart from grace. Grace is the only thing that’s more powerful than shame, and shame is a given in the world. We all are subject to it, it’s like a force that’s in the world…and in the peanut M&M metaphor the shame is the chocolate. It’s the stuff that ends up attaching to our diamond. It coats us and it comes from those ‘shoulds’ and it can start as early as…infancy.” -Katie

“If you don’t think everybody has an Imago Dei…the latin for “image of God”… or they don’t have a diamond, then…what God created them?…If you believe in one God, then all people are created in the image of that God….If we understood that inside of everybody, you wouldn’t hurt another individual that you could see the diamond in…every human being is a reflection of God.” -Katie 

“From a mom perspective, the most important thing that you can give your child is to see their diamond…and you cannot see another person’s diamond if you don’t know your own. If your diamond is covered in shame, then you’re going to see shame in your child …It’s really important that we understand shame in ourselves so that we can bring it into the light.” -Katie

“Shame that’s not transformed is transferred.”-Richard Rohr

“Depending on your kid’s personality, they’re either going to absorb it (shame), or they’re going to shoot it back at you …and then they have more layers covering their diamond.” -Katie 

“If you shut down on your child, your child feels shut down…they’re going to experience it as ‘You don’t like me.’ They’re going to take it personally. It may not be personal, but they’re going to take it personally…they’ll tell themselves a variety of things, but all of them are going to be shaming.” -Katie

“The problem with binary thinking is it’s the product of the garden - of the fall…I won’t always make diamond choices and that doesn’t diminish the diamond. If we can’t acknowledge that we won’t always make ‘diamond choices’…then we’re not going to make room for the kids to do that either.” -Katie

“You can’t talk yourself out of your shame…The Paradox Prayer is…neurologically what’s happening is it’s a statement of fear from the limbic and a statement of faith from the prefrontal cortex. When I force a connection between those two parts of the brain, the shame can go down…you can also teach your kids paradox prayers.” -Katie

“It’s in admitting our worst fears in the light that actually brings the healing.” -Katie  

Kaylin Quella