07 Connected Families Part2: Becoming an Emotionally Safe Parent

Today we continue the conversation with Jim and Lynne Jackson from Connected Families and dive into the topic of building a bond of safety and connection with our children. Tune in today to discover how we can diffuse both our own emotions and the emotions of our children by becoming an emotionally safe parent. We know you will be strengthened and equipped by our podcast today, so listen in on Episode 7 of The Mom Podcast, Becoming an Emotionally Safe Parent, Part 2.

RESOURCES:

Connected Families

Connected Families Podcast

SHOW NOTES

“To become an emotionally safe parent is far more than doing the right thing to get your kids to do the right thing. It’s about knowing who you are because of the cross; it’s about learning to be in the process of spiritual formation and being formed into the likeness of Christ, and then learning how to pour what you’re learning out into that relationship with your kids.” -Jim

“No human being can control another human being…What you can control is yourself, and you can get to a place where your goal isn’t to control your child, but it’s for you to stay calm…If I have a goal to parent wisely and graciously, then my child can’t intervene in that goal, and I can have that as my primary goal, and my secondary goal to guide my child towards wiser behavior.” -Lynne

“The reason that I correct, or the way that I correct, isn’t about putting the right punishment in place that my child will want to avoid next time, and so they do the wrong thing out of fear of punishment. I want to put something in place that help them value doing the right thing for the right reason… it all grows out of this foundation and this message of ‘You are safe with me.’” -Jim

“When I had a stronger sense of authority I was less controlling…I was more authoritative, I was more creative and assertive, and guiding their learning…God is calling me with a sense of strong God-given authority to be my kids’ disciplers about faith, and about life, and that’s a big calling that changes your perspective of parenting.” -Lynne

“Research shows that authoritarian parenting, which is the firm, punitive, immediate obedience-oriented parenting…tends to produce one of two results in kids…One is ‘God-anxiety,’ which is ‘I don’t know if God really love me or not,’ and the other, which is ‘God avoidance,’ which is, ‘I don’t really care, ‘cause I don’t really want to know that kind of a God.’” -Lynne

“You don’t make good progress going forward on the field unless you take steps back to survey what’s going on, and for me, practically what that was, literally sometimes was a step backward, or a deep breath… it became very intentional because as we do that, our kids see that- that become an example for them about what to do when their upset.” -Jim

“Those little blow-ups in life are just incredibly valuable opportunities to model the fact that God’s mercy is alive, well, and here with us right now…to see those as opportunities to make kids aware that God’s love and mercy is present for every person involved in that moment is a huge discipleship opportunity.” -Lynne

“When we do the ‘do-overs’ it trains our brains, our spirits, to do the right things the first time, the next time.” -Jim

“We’re talking about a measure of safety that builds into young children especially a position of trust between parent and child…Gaining our kids’ trust, through the message ‘you are safe’ sets them up over a lifetime to trust us, to come to us…The long term effect of safety is that it frees our children to move into the courses before them with a sense of grace, a sense of safety… to find their ‘ok-ness’ with themselves and with God on their own, on their own terms.” -Jim

Kaylin Quella